Moving On

I’ve been away for a while.  The loss of my wife has affected me more profoundly than I feared.  Rather than moderating over the ensuing months, my grief has grown more intense.  The pain is not constant.  It comes in flashes.  And even though the time between flashes have grown, the intensity of each flash seems greater.  My support group counsels that this is normal.  That may be so, but the result is that all the turmoil in the world seem less important.  The monotony of the weekly Trump outrage, the predictable GOP lying, distortion and distraction about tax cuts, healthcare and Russian probe and the seeming feckless protests from DEMs about the same is exhausting.  Adding my voice to this cacophony adds nothing to the betterment of the world.

What use, then, do I make of this forum?  I spoke of regret in my ode to my wife.  That sadness and regret is still here.  I know that after a loss our memories get distorted and  we tend to idealize the past; forgetting all the blandness of day-to-day living and the superficial resentment that comes with conflict that is a part of all marriages.  But that doesn’t change the fact that sharing one’s life with someone can be a beautiful thing that mustn’t be wasted.  How to do that? Resolve that each day you will perform at least one overt act that show your partner that you love them and that you value your time together.  Do this without reservation or expectation of reciprocation.  Your soul will be nourished, and your life will be enriched.  This enlightenment on how to love comes too late to save me.  Perhaps my sharing will help you.

4 Replies to “Moving On”

  1. Dave,
    It is not too late for you!! You have to believe that. If it were you wouldn’t have learned this valuable lesson that you want to pass on to others. You can honor Delores by accepting and living the valuable lessons that she has taught you through her life. I believe that everyone comes into our lives to teach us what we need to know. You made her happy for 32 years, remember no one is perfect, and we can all be better people. You are a good person, kind and generous. I am so glad that you and I have connected as siblings. I am so happy that my children now have an uncle on my side of the family.

    Grief is hard, it does come in stages. The pain can seem unbearable sometimes, but one day you are going to wake up and think of her and it will feel different. It won’t hurt quite so bad. You will always miss her but you will be able to think of her and your heart will smile at the memory of her and your life together. It will happen.

    Love,

    Sylvia

  2. David,
    You are a role model for all of us, especially me. Thanks for your heart-felt sharing and openness.
    You are making good progress. I applaud you.

    Thanks for the admonitions.
    Love,
    Dan

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